Cultivating The How To Think Before You Talk Habit

HOW TO THINK BEFORE YOU TALK

As far back as I can remember I have always been told I had a bad mouth because I never knew the importance of how to think before you talk.

The things I say have gotten me into trouble numerous times and honestly I couldn’t care less. Except for one time when a man chased after me.

You see as a growing child I had an utter detest for cigarette smokers. I hated that they don’t think about the people close to them before that start puffing out dangerous fumes. Worst still, I honestly felt cigarettes smokers were insane for buying a product which clearly states smokers are liable to die Young.

I made it a point of duty to tell Ali, Ime and all the cigarette smokers around me to not smoke near me as I don’t like the smell of cigarettes fumes.

On one fateful day, I had gone to the next street to buy something for my aunt and was standing at the entrance to the kiosk when one man came, bought a pack of cigarettes and started smoking right there. I looked up at him and said you are going to die very soon. He grabbed my arm and said “wetin you say”. With all boldness I repeated it and ran off. It wasn’t until I looked back and saw him chasing after me I knew I had entered one chance today. I quickly ran into my compound and he followed me. Ali, our gate-man had to intervene and pleaded with the man and in his words he said ” na small girl, she no Sabi talk”.

After that experience I decided to keep my hatred for cigarette smokers to myself. Consoled by the fact that they will die Young just as the pack states. (My apologies if this offends anyone. My hatred for cigarette smokers has gone down a notch).

But that experience didn’t completely teach me to think before I talk because at 22 I was still careless about thinking before talking. Well until it looked like my happiness depended on learning the think before you talk approach. You see I had gotten into a relationship with someone who holds politesse/propriety dear to his heart. And when I say things out of place he would ask, did you think about this before saying it. I would usually apologies afterwards but at a point I realized that sometimes sorry can’t take away the hurt caused by a wrong word.

Not just him, some of my friends too. I remember my very good friend Fortune saying I didn’t know how to take to people. And I would usually defend myself and say I am just being brutally honest but low-key I knew I sometimes say things I shouldn’t say and all. Well with the spate of depression and all flying around, I realized being brutally honest and thoughtless about what one says can push a struggling person over the edge.

So for the past month, I have made a conscious effort to watch what I say, to spare a moment and think before I talk, to form the words in my head and think if they are the right words for that moment, for that situation before spewing it out.

The end result, I am having less issues with people, I am loving the new me who clicks the block button rather than be rude to people with mediocre mentality on social media and most especially, I feel like I’m finally adulting.

So here are tips on how to think before you talk.

These tips are really simple and easy to follow.

Get to know you: You have to calmly observe what gets you to respond inappropriately. Is it the people or the situation.?

For me I found out I tend to talk carelessly when I am pissed, irritated or appalled by someone or his or her actions. You have to figure out what pushes you first before you start finding solution.

Next, I recommend you Listen to this song think before I talk by Astrid S, You can find the video here.

The song is super amazing. The singer was honest and real and the lyrics of this song struck a chord deep within. see below.

Maybe I should think before I talk
I get emotional and words come out all wrong
Sometimes I’m more honest than I want
So maybe I should think before
Maybe next time, I’ll think before
I know that I should think before I speak
‘Cause I’m saying things that I don’t even mean
Maybe I’m more honest than I wanna be
So maybe I should think before
Maybe next time, I’ll think before I
Say something I might regret
And I might get too far under your skin

Learn the Enata: Enata is a communication model which says you should consider if what you want to say is Effective, Necessary, Accurate, Timely, and Appropriate. Well I find this bogus, imagine going through that long process before speaking. However, out of the five I choose to consider if what I want to say is Necessary and appropriate. Honestly if its not necessary then there’s no need to say it.

Lastly, consider the outcome/consequences a wrong statement can get you into. Remember the story above where the Man chased me? If I had stopped to consider the possible outcome of my statement, I probably would have kept my mouth shut.

An effective way on how to think before talking is to consider the outcome/consequences you could face afterwards.

It hasn’t been an easy journey! Struggling to hold back when all I want is to give someone who wronged me a piece of my mind and I cant say I have been totally successful but I can see the changes, the people closest to me are seeing it and deep down there is this satisfaction of finally growing up.

In line with my resolve to strive to be a better me this year, I have decided to try to overcome bad habits and develop better ones.

I talked about dealing with  procrastination here and even though I haven’t stopped 100%, the number of times I say ” I will do it later” has drastically reduced.

Do you think before you talk? Have you gotten into a fix because of something you said? What habits are you struggling with at the moment?. Share your experiences with me, I would love to hear about them.