The Untold Beauty Of Female Friendships

I know you’ve heard a lot about female friendships. There are a series of stories about backstabbing, fights, malice, jealousy and so on associated with female friendships. However, I feel keep female friends was tougher as teenagers because we didn’t know who we were. We were still trying to find our footing, who are we kidding? we still are!

That’s why when you see some childhood friends who have come far into their friendship, you’ll agree with me that a lot was put in, sacrificed and forged to make it work. It took a while before we could understand ourselves and truly point out friends who had good intentions for us. 

Listen, ladies, female friendships can be wholesomely beautiful and divine. Yes, there are some people who turn out to be horrible friends but that applies to both genders. So, purge your mind free of those sordid female friendship tales you’ve heard and be open to finding and keeping healthy female friendships.

The Different Type of Female Friendships

If you’re like me, who had her childhood in one part of the country and adulthood in another, you might understand why I believe we have “friends” for different reasons. I have friends who are best fitted for a night-out-in-town. Then there are friends who make me laugh, they are my gist-buddies and that’s just about it. We don’t speak often but when we do, we catch up and it’s fun.

There’s the serious set of friends, the ones you can turn to for advice, who’ll always have the right things to say. Not forgetting the ones who are professional gossips- the ones who’ll download neighbourhood gossips in a way you’ve never heard before.

Let’s not forget the toxic ones or those who are pure parasites; they only come when they are in need.

I’m positive you can relate to these different classifications. If you haven’t classified your “friends” in such a manner, please do. 

I’ve heard so many stories about friendship and betrayals and I won’t lie to you by saying I haven’t had my fair share. However, I’m a sucker for good communication and you cannot be my close friend and be lip-tight about your feelings, especially in relation to our friendship.

My Best Tips For Keeping Friends

• I keep very few close friends, hence I know my friends well. Unlike popular opinion, I don’t have a best friend or bestie as is being used now. I have two close girlfriends. They know practically everything about me and vice versa.  

Many people believe that you can’t really know somebody, but I know what to expect from them. We’re that close. If you can’t vouch for your close friend(s) to a reasonable extent, then quit kidding yourself and amend that friendship or look for new friends. 

• I don’t expect much from people, no matter who you are or how close we are. I make it a point of duty to make myself happy, do what makes me happy and don’t expect to be treated same way I treat others. 

I’ve learnt things the hard way. I’ve been in situations where I literally prayed never to become bad because of someone. Same applies to female friendships, pick your friends wisely.

But this post is not about the negatives of friendships. I hesitated about writing this post because I was going to share some intimate parts of my life. But here goes… when friends have helped to make life better and change the notion that we truly need one another in this journey called life.

 

5 Times My Female Friends Came Through for Me.

When I lost my first love: Its been sixteen long years but writing that heading brought tears to my eyes. I remember feeling intense pain for the first time in my life and as a child too.

When I lost my dad, things just became different. You know how everyone grieves differently yeah. Well, the whole family did in different ways. However, can you imagine how the last child and daddy’s favourite handled his passing, I mean psychological wise? Every day I came back from school earlier than my siblings, I had to deal with both loss and loneliness.

My closest friend till date came through for me during that period. The truth of the matter is that she didn’t even know the importance and impact of her friendship at that point in my life. And not just her, but her entire family too. It’s amazing how I got another family from her that made me forget about my sorrows. Unlike my family where my siblings were grown and starting life and had to move on with life. My mum had her hands full with taking care of all seven of us. Through my friend, I had another family who I could relate with, gist, laugh and spend time with.  And to this day, we have that unity. 

A Shoulder To Cry On

Strained relationship: You know how you make friends from your partner in a relationship? I made some great female friends from my past relationship. I’ve seen and heard how a partner’s female friend tries to frustrate his relationship just because she doesn’t like the girl or is feeling jealous.

It wasn’t the case in mine though. These five ladies accepted me and we clicked real good. But trust relationships to have its regular hiccups. My new-found friends held me down, locked the gate and stood like soldiers when the ex of my ex came calling. They remained adamant and made the girl leave. If you had seen me that day, I was like a leaf in the harmattan period, seated on my own while my battle was fought. Guys, I shed a tear, not because of what went down but how it was being handled by my friends.

It is not an experience I’ll forget anytime soon. Nothing short of women standing up for their fellow woman. 

Related: Self Care Tips For Working Women

#WomenWhoStickTogether

Strained Relationship II: My childhood friend travelled twelve hours to be with me during the rough times in my now ex-relationship. Prior to showing up in person, she called and checked up on me like I was seriously ill (I was though, emotionally, lol). There’s this relief when you have someone you can bare your soul to without the fear of being judged. I have that in my friend and I’m super proud of that friendship.

Imagine not just speaking over the phone but the effort of travelling to be with me and go to great lengths to even try and amend the relationship.

I reiterate that you cannot go on this journey called life alone; no man is an island. You need female friends, trust-worthy and kind ones that will be there for you when you hit rock bottom.

Spending time with mum: So, while I was running my undergraduate program, I hardly made it home for breaks due to the nature of the course of study, the long trip and short vacation period etc.

It was crazy because, at one point, I couldn’t go home for 14 full months. My mum was very lonely as we were all far away from home. One lovely Sunday, my friends who had also missed me trooped home to spend time with her.

Getting such news definitely made me feel nostalgic; I reminisced on our Sunday routines, buying Akara and gisting until the second service was almost over. When friends go the extra mile, it always hit home. No pun intended. 

Every Woman Needs At Least One Amazing Female Friend!

My monkey: Long story but that’s the name we call ourselves. There are countless times this monkey has come through for me. But oh no, don’t think it started all rosy. Uh-huh! I’m seriously laughing guys. It didn’t start on a good note. My close friendships never do, rather we recognize things in each other that we respect then over time we learn to define our friendship.

I’ll start at the beginning when she took me in without batting an eyelid; the origin of this seven-year to forever friendship. This might not seem like a big deal but it was the beginning of many great things. One thing I admire aside from her bullying and getting her way with me is her firm belief in us, what we hope to achieve and become in life. I’ve never seen someone who lives in the now and just believes good things will happen and so far, the good things have been happening. We became roommates, girlfriends and I dare say, sisters. 

I realize some people have great friends in their female siblings. For me, that wasn’t the case, not until recently. However, the bond between my siblings and I have blossomed and I’m loving it.

So there you have it guys, you now know a thing or two about me.

Go ahead and share times you’re female friends have come through for you, in the comment section. Let’s celebrate beautiful female friendships.