7 Signs You Are A People Pleaser & How It’s Affecting Your Mental Health
As someone who used to be a big time people pleaser, I know how it feels. I’ve been there, done that. The feeling of always putting others first, the feeling of trying to please everyone both those deserving and those not, the feeling of being used severely by those friends you trust because they know one of your weaknesses is pleasing people against all odds. Trust me I know how it feels and I am glad I am out of that pit because I realized later that being a people pleaser isn’t such a good thing especially for your mental health. The truth is most people don’t know they are people pleasers. They think they are just being kind but here’s the truth, being a people pleaser doesn’t mean you are kind. Kindness is very different from people pleasing because when it comes to pleasing people most do it out of the need to feel liked, accepted and not be judged.
7 Signs You Are A People Pleaser
1. You let others pressure you: Remember back in high school when you were taught to have high self-esteem and not fall prey to peer pressure. Well if you didn’t take their word for it, now is the time to. One major sign that you are a people pleaser is when you let others pressure you into doing things you don’t want to. Because then you aren’t doing it for yourself but just to please the person who is pressuring you.
2. You always need validation from others: people’s opinions matter a lot to you. You don’t feel good enough until someone validates you, your looks, your works etc.
3. You value their peace and comfort before yours
4. You don’t set boundaries and hardly admit you are offended even when you truly are.
5. You let others take advantage of you even when you know you are being used. You console yourself with things like ” it’s not like I have a choice”, ” what if she hates me for putting my foot down’ etc.
6. You never say no: picture this scenario, Grace can we go out, yes. Grace can I borrow your phone, okay. Grace can I sleep over, sure. You never say no even when deep down all you want is space or some alone time. You just can’t bring yourself to say no.
7. You struggle to make decisions on your own.
How being a people pleaser is affecting your mental health.
1. You never seem to have time for yourself
2. You feel like you aren’t living your own life
3. You start to feel like you are putting in so much effort to be friends/friendly with others and not getting the love back.
4. The constant need for validation causes you to start “catastrophizing” all you do until you get that validation.
5. You lose your self-esteem and confidence.
6. Begin to suffer from insecurity.
People pleasing should never be confused with kindness and generosity. While kindness and generosity is given freely without any doubt whatsoever or any sort of returns on investment, people pleasing thrives on getting returns such as validation from others. People Pleaser have been noted to suffer from insecurity and lack of self worthiness. Hence the need to please others to feel worthy and secured.
How much signs you are a people pleaser have you got you?
I’ve prepared a simple quiz with real life situations. I’ll advice you take the quiz to find out how much of a people pleaser you are.
After taking the quiz, click on view score. The correct options show if you are a people pleaser and each question is calculated by points. Each point show how much of a people pleaser you are.
How much of a people pleaser are you?
10- you are a big time people pleaser. You live and breathe pleasing people. This is a problem
8- You are on your way to become a big time people pleaser.
6- you love pleasing people because you don’t want to be termed “bad”
4- you are not much of a people pleaser yet but watch it.
2- people pleaser what? Definitely not for you.
0- You live life on your own terms. You don’t need anyone’s validation. You trust and love yourself and mental health.
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Gift Collins is an ingenious creative. She loves to put her polished thoughts into words and pictures to create beautiful stories. She is a media girl-in and out.
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Found this post both insightful and enjoyable. Good enough, I am not a people’s pleaser. In fact, I catch myself being selfish every now and then. Self love is the start to not pleasing people because people really never get satisfied even if you do all they want.
Thank you so much. Totally enjoyed the read.